Alright, Blogger Friends (and my one faithful follower)  I've moved over to WordPress becuase they swayed me with fancy pictures and some big words I didn't quite understand. 

Come on Over!!! The Unpacking has started!!
http://formerhotness.wordpress.com/

Be Still ?!?!?

Be still and know that I am God

God created Sunday to be a day of rest. A day to Be Still. Why oh why has the last few Sundays felt like the most stressful day of my week??

No matter what time I've gotten up, I feel like the clock is ticking to Church time. "Go time". As part of the role The Hubs and I fulfill at our rehabilitation center, we hold a Sunday morning service for the men staying with us. We hold it early enough that if there are those who want to worship with their family, they will still have time to do so.

After a typical Sunday morning service, we head off to a second service. Some of the men come with us, and we share with our church family (our pastor starts some of his best Sundays with "like the Olive Garden, when you're here your family").

This really is an opportunity for Sunday to be the most restful of days. I try to plan for 90 min to get us up and out the door on a Sunday morning. We get up, The Hubs takes a shower whil I feed Child the Third and let the furballs outside. Once The Hubs is done, I go and shower and get ready, then we're out the door. But what happens to those 90 min? Where do they go and why does it feel like I'm the only one living in this odd time warp? And to top it all off The Hubs is preaching at our family church this Morning.

I could use a little zen before the meeting. Sunday morning all my pastor friends are posting wonderfully inspirational things as their Facebook status one their facebook, while all I can do the last fee weeks is sigh and hrumph my way through the morning (hmm... Maybe I would have more time if I wasn't on Facebook)

Last Sunday I sent a text to my Father In Law to let him know we were singing one of his favorite songs that morning. His response? "I was just sitting in the quiet room singing that and other songs from back in the day". Sitting in the quiet room. Reflecting before service. People have the time to do that??? I can hardly find the time to brush my hair on a Sunday morning and there are people out there who are spending time in quiet reflection?

In preparation for Gods word How do you get through the Sunday Mornings? How do you prepare for the worship to follow at church? Do you have a special routine to prepare your heart and mind?

Remember me?

Wow!! You know its been a long time when you can't remember your password to log in.

I could offer a bunch of hollow reasons why I haven't bothered to write but... the truth is... I just didn't.

A lot has been going on... some of which I can blog about, some of which I can't.  But... I'm back.  and that's all that matters... right?

I have... 1 follower. ONE.  I'm not big on the whole getting noticed thing but... one... really??

So I thought today I'd tell you a little about me, stuff that you'd    for sure    probably    maybe      might want to know about me before deciding if your going to follow me or not. 

(Yeah, I got them from a random google search but... don't judge me! It's been a hard few months)

* Have you ever had something happen to you that you thought was bad but it turned out to be for the best? Aside from the whole teenage "My life is ending because my boyfriend broke up with me
" stuff? I once found myself 8.5 months pregnant and suddenly VERY alone.  I thought that was bad bad very bad.  But it turns out it was just the Jerk (as we affectionately call him around here) who left who was bad bad very bad.  100% turned out to be for the best.

* What was one of the best parties you’ve ever been to? I'm not a party kind of girl.  In fact, even in high school, I didn't really do the party thing.  But if I had to pick, I'd say my high school graduation after party... wow... that suddenly sounded VERY pathetic...

*  What was the last movie, TV show or book that made you cry or tear up? The last book to make me cry was "The Lost Dogs" Michael Vick's dogs and their tale of rescue and redemption.  Even typing the title made me get a little glassy eyed.

* What was the last experience that made you a stronger person? I'm riding that wave right now.  It's a tale of loss, of hurt, of fixing others mistakes, and of doing the right thing even when NO ONE else is.  I may fill you in on it some day... but... I may not.

* What did you do growing up that got you into trouble? I was a pretty straight arrow as a kid.  Being a preachers kid, you have 2 ways to go... act out like devil spawn or follow along (translation: don't get caught).  I can't really think of anything... *la sigh*....

* When was the last time you had an amazing meal? Food wise, I'm not that picky.  What makes an amazing meal for me is the company. The meal that comes to mind right now is Christmas dinner 4 years ago. My dad was still alive, my brother his wife and their clan were there, my cousins, my then boyfriend (now affectionately referred to as "The Hubs", and our 3 kids... all under one roof.  THAT was amazing!

* What’s the best/worst gift you’ve ever given/received? Best gift given... probably the 2 elephants The Hubs adopted for me last valentines day <3  Worst gift given? Pretty much type of Perfume or Flowers.  I'm so allergic to almost all varieties of both that a sniff of the wrong stuff can send me to bed for the day with an awful migraine. Thank goodness The Hubs knows which are which :)

* What do you miss most about being a kid? Being Care free.  The biggest worry back then was what I was going to do on a Friday night.  Man... those were some easy years.

* What was the first thing you bought with your own money? I got my first REAL non babysitting job while in college, working the front desk at a women's shelter.  A month later I rented my very first apartment.  That was my first real purchase.

* What is something you learned in the last week? I've learned a lot in the last week, not all of it good.  If I had to pick one thing, I would say that I learned how important it is to tell those you work with how much you appreciate the job they do for you, because you never know when that's the EXACT thing they need to hear.

* What story does your family always tell about you? If you talk to my mom, guaranteed she'll tell you about my dad taking me for a ride in the car when I was little and coming back mesmerized because I didn't stop talking the ENTIRE ride :)  Those of you who know Child the Third won't be too surprised by that one.

Well... that's it... random things about me that may or may not make you want to come back and hear more.  I hope you do come back... because after all... if no ones reading, doesn't that make me the equivalent of the old lady walking down the street talking to herself?  I REALLY don't want to be that lady ;)

(The Hubs and I)

New Year, New Experiences

Whew!! Its over!!! Christmas is done for another... 354 more days!

I usually LOVE Christmas, but this year... I just couldn't get into it.  I didn't decorate my tree until like a week before, and Dec 26th I was taking ornaments off and packing them away.  For some reason the holiday season just didn't speak to me the same way as it has in the past.

~ Poor Hubbs (I'm trying out a new name for him.  I read it on another blog and liked it) thinks it's because he didn't put up the Christmas tree when I pestered him to, but I don't think that's it ~

Whatever it was I am happy to see the furniture in my house back to normal, and to get back to a routine.

Which led me to my next funk. Not just the same old same old, but The SAME same old same old.  Work till we're exhausted, come home, veg on the couch and play on phones/iPads/Whatever else doesn't take much thought, put the boy to bed, and then crash.  I don't want that for us as a family, and I think it might destroy my sanity, or what's left of it.

I'm not a person to make resolutions, but I am the type of person who makes lists.  There's something about putting thought to paper that makes me calm.  To Do lists, Grocery lists, Menu's... and then lists OF my lists.  I will make a grocery list, and then re write it by department.  My to do lists get written, and then reorganized and written again in priority order (or... on a busy day,  by ease of task).

So here is my list for 2012 (in no particular order.... for now)

1. Spend more Non-work time with Hubby, not just comatose on the couch
2. No Phones/iPad's in bed.
3. Find traditions to start with our kids
4. Do one new thing a month
5. Get rid of these last 50 pounds that just wont drop!! (ARGH!)
6. Keep my office in better shape
7. Less TV time
8. More exercise time... hmm... or maybe I can combine the TV and the Exercise
9. -----( SMILE  )----- I can't tell you this one... well... not yet... but I will... but not yet...
10. Cook more meals at home - Better for us, and for our wallet.
11. Be better stewards of our money.  We've become so obsessed with watching every cent at work, that we've gone the opposite at home.
12. Write more.
13. Take more pictures!  My camera has been collecting dust. Time to get out there and start snapping again.

So... this year, look for new and exciting things from this blog.  I was using it to keep track of our progress at Blue Sky, but returning to our "Former Hotness" isn't just about weight loss.  Its about shaking the bad habits we've picked up, and dusting off our dancing shoes. (But... not literally.. Poor Hubs, the only time he gets to dance is when we hug and he manages to shift his feet before I catch him. I can't dance for BEANS!)



As for number 1, tonight marks the start of a new tradition of our own.  Tonight when our youngest son goes to bed, we're going to snuggle up in our room and watch a movie.  Some actual US time.  I'm pretty Psyched! Tonight's movie?  Sherlock Holmes.  Next week its my pick... should I go Sappy? or Old school? I've got a copy of Witches of Eastwick burning I've been dying to watch. Or maybe some BioDome! Poor Hubs, he's so movie sheltered...

Variety is the spice of life

Well... I did it!! I went the week sticking to the program.  Went to weigh in and guess what... 230... still!

So its time to admit that I was on the dreaded plateau. 

I thought I'd be more upset by hitting "The wall" and by raising my calories, but I'm strangely excited about the idea.

Excited about adding 100 calories??  Excited about adding 50 carbs??  Maybe its a good thing that we had our labs done today, because I must be sick, right?? 

Well if this is sick, I don't ever want to be well.  Do you know what I had for dinner?? 

Oatmeal!!  It was SO good!!

For the last 6 months, I've eaten steak... or chicken for dinner every night.  I have been able to switch it up with the occasional salad... with some steak... or chicken...  you get the idea. 

But today... today, this ANGEL of support, education and motivation and all things Blue Sky told me I could have Oatmeal  (hee hee!! thats right Jennelle!! The moment you told me I could add Oatmeal, you may have just become my bested pal in the whole world!!!)

With the increase in Calories, I'm going to add a starch a day.  DO you know what that means??

Sweet Potatoes, a small slice of whole wheat toast, a wrap, corn, sweet peas... the possibilities are endless!!!!

THIS is going to be a good weak!

My Big Girl Pants

Some of you may have thought I'd fallen off the blog-osphere. Some of you may have thought I fell off the ice cream truck (Wagon... ice cream truck... get it??)

I've been around.  A little self pity here, a little doubt there, with a sprinkle of entitled "I can eat what I want!" for good measure.

I haven't really been feeling the program lately.  I don't know why.  It might be that McHubby is so close to his goal, and my goal still seems like a pin prick of light miles down the road.  It might be that I got lazy, and lets be real... If I wasn't prone to lazy behaviour, my body fat % wouldn't be in the 40's.

Whatever the reason, these last few weigh in's have not been my favorite.  And I was discouraged.  The staff at Blue Sky were great.  Offering tips on how to get back in the swing of things, how to try and peak my interest in exercise, but none of it spoke to me.  I'd do good for a few days.  Last week I was down 3 pounds in 2 days, and then... I decided I needed a reward.  Sweet Cece's is NOT a good reward when you're on a weight loss program.

You'd think that, as an administrator of a rehabilitation center, I'd know the signs of a relapse.  A colleague here to review our program said today during a meeting I was in, that "Everyone has an addiction they need to address.  EVERYONE".  Mine is food.

And there are days that the addictive self comes out.  I eat when no one is home.  I shove wrappers in the back of the closet.  I convince myself that just one little "Extra" wont affect my week... but its never just ONE little extra.  My hubby, who has loved me since I was a 16 years old mess... he knows I'm struggling.  He'll say to me "I don't think you should eat that." or "You've already had one of those".  And I know he means well.  I know he's doing it to be supportive.  But for me... that's a trigger.  A reminder of a past life when a much smaller me was in a SUPER unhealthy relationship where every comment made was about me weight, or some other aspect that was never good enough.  So when the person who's loved me through thick and thin (LOL) says exactly what I need to hear, I react in a way that I can't explain, and that I'm sure he can't understand.


So... obviously, all this was adding up in the last few weeks.  And I wasn't even being honest with myself about how bad I was doing the program these last few weeks.  Until Tuesday, when I found myself standing in the kitchen, rice crispy treat in one hand, and jar of peanut butter in the other.

I didn't need anyone to tell me I was reverting to old behaviours.  I was my own intervention.

It was time to put on my big girl pants.  Literally.  I needed to remind myself why I was doing what I was doing.  I needed a reminder of how far I had come.  So... I put on my jeans that I wore to my first appointment at blue sky back in April.

Over the jeans I was already wearing.  and you know what?? My big girl pants were STILL too big!! So I put on another layer...

and another...

and another!!

I walked into my blue sky appointment with 4 pairs of pants on!!!! It was so funny watching the faces as I pulled pair after pair off! 

Looking at my chart, the staff feel I've hit a plateau.  That I need to increase my calories because my body is getting used to living on the calories I've been having.  What they don't know is that The calories I should be having vs the calories I AM having... are a lot different.

So this week, I'm inspired.  The pants... the thought of increasing over my own silliness rather then an actual reason... they've inspired me to work the program like I've said I've been doing for the last few weeks.  But to do it for real!

Tonight, after a day of sitting behind a conference table, we had some downtime before taking our guest out to dinner.  So what did I do?  I went out into the warehouse where I knew a treadmill had just come in.  I strung an extension cord across the building, flipped to my iTunes on my phone, and walked for 20 min.. dress shoes and all.

90 min of exercise this week, 800 calories a day... I want to go into the office next week, and be able to say "I tried my hardest!" THEN, if I still need to up my calories, so be it... but I'm 1/2 way to my goal, and I'm not willing to stand in my own way any more.

Oh yeah.. and tonight... I got 5 on!!

Measuring, Competition, and even a Craig

Wow!! It seems like I've been gone from here forever.  Work is... Crazy! Conferences, trips... My poor dogs are starting to think that the staff at the Pet Resort are their new family.  But... I'm home now.  (For 2 weeks at least.. then off to Atlanta for a week)

Today was weigh in.  Last week I made a goal... 5 pounds. I try not to make goals around the number because a week where I only loose 1 or 2 pounds, but manage to exercise 4 days is still a good week.

But none the less, this past week, I wanted to see the 3 disappear.  I was at 235, and I wanted to be in the 220's.  I went in today, and was at 227.  Goal achieved.  Whew!

Today was also measuring day.  At the first appointment, when they took out that measuring tape, I wanted to cry.  I didn't need any more proof that my eating had become unmanageable. I didn't need numbers to tell me that I weighted more then I did when I was 9 months pregnant. 

Last measuring day the numbers went down, but... I couldn't help but feel a little discouraged as I compared the loss to my husbands.  There are great things about doing this program as a couple.  WONDERFUL things.  We can support each other, we can understand when one of us has a bad day, or a craving.  The down side is as much as we try not to, those numbers are a competition.  Hubby and I laugh about them all the time... but there are days when my scale says down 1lb and his says down 4lbs that I can't help but sigh.

In today's measurements, it was easier to see the difference in the numbers.  Starting out 17 weeks ago, my waist measured in at 50.5 inches and my hips were 56.3.  (Wow, those are some big numbers) This morning my waist measured in at 39 inches and my hips at 49.3.  Shel's waist measured the same difference.  11.5inches.  Almost a whole foot off  our waistline.  EACH!! 

I write these blogs, and talk about how great we're doing.  I don't want to mislead anyone.  This is hard work.  Changing your way of thinking, your lifestyle... its hard.  I miss my comfort foods like I'd miss a best friend who went away.  When there's a crisis at work or home, I instantly want to fill that mess with food.  I have days where all I can think is "Chocolate Bar Chocolate Bar Chocolate Bar".  But More and more, those days are replaced with days like today, where I can climb up my driveway without having to catch my breath.  Or like when I was in Scotland this summer, and could climb up the Craig (Mountain).  I wouldn't have gotten out of the car last year, let alone say "Hey Kids, lets climb this giant rock".

Without the support of Hubby, of the people in our Blue Sky office, or our families I'd be lost.  If you're thinking of taking this journey, or even already on this journey, make sure you have someone who will offer you support, who will be there through the cravings, binges and "I hate exercise" moments.  If you don't have that, join the Blue Sky facebook community.  I don't know about the others, but I check their page daily to see if there's someone who's got the same issue as me, or someone I can learn from.  If nothing else appeals, and you need someone to talk to, leave a comment here if you want. 

There was a time I'd walk out in the middle of a conversation if it turned to the topic of weight. (In fact we have a member of our not so immediate family that throws around the word "Fat" like you wouldn't believe.  I've literally walked away from him rather then sock him one).  But these days, I'm so glad someone pointed me in the right direction to get my life back that I'm posting my weigh ins on facebook.