Variety is the spice of life

Well... I did it!! I went the week sticking to the program.  Went to weigh in and guess what... 230... still!

So its time to admit that I was on the dreaded plateau. 

I thought I'd be more upset by hitting "The wall" and by raising my calories, but I'm strangely excited about the idea.

Excited about adding 100 calories??  Excited about adding 50 carbs??  Maybe its a good thing that we had our labs done today, because I must be sick, right?? 

Well if this is sick, I don't ever want to be well.  Do you know what I had for dinner?? 

Oatmeal!!  It was SO good!!

For the last 6 months, I've eaten steak... or chicken for dinner every night.  I have been able to switch it up with the occasional salad... with some steak... or chicken...  you get the idea. 

But today... today, this ANGEL of support, education and motivation and all things Blue Sky told me I could have Oatmeal  (hee hee!! thats right Jennelle!! The moment you told me I could add Oatmeal, you may have just become my bested pal in the whole world!!!)

With the increase in Calories, I'm going to add a starch a day.  DO you know what that means??

Sweet Potatoes, a small slice of whole wheat toast, a wrap, corn, sweet peas... the possibilities are endless!!!!

THIS is going to be a good weak!

My Big Girl Pants

Some of you may have thought I'd fallen off the blog-osphere. Some of you may have thought I fell off the ice cream truck (Wagon... ice cream truck... get it??)

I've been around.  A little self pity here, a little doubt there, with a sprinkle of entitled "I can eat what I want!" for good measure.

I haven't really been feeling the program lately.  I don't know why.  It might be that McHubby is so close to his goal, and my goal still seems like a pin prick of light miles down the road.  It might be that I got lazy, and lets be real... If I wasn't prone to lazy behaviour, my body fat % wouldn't be in the 40's.

Whatever the reason, these last few weigh in's have not been my favorite.  And I was discouraged.  The staff at Blue Sky were great.  Offering tips on how to get back in the swing of things, how to try and peak my interest in exercise, but none of it spoke to me.  I'd do good for a few days.  Last week I was down 3 pounds in 2 days, and then... I decided I needed a reward.  Sweet Cece's is NOT a good reward when you're on a weight loss program.

You'd think that, as an administrator of a rehabilitation center, I'd know the signs of a relapse.  A colleague here to review our program said today during a meeting I was in, that "Everyone has an addiction they need to address.  EVERYONE".  Mine is food.

And there are days that the addictive self comes out.  I eat when no one is home.  I shove wrappers in the back of the closet.  I convince myself that just one little "Extra" wont affect my week... but its never just ONE little extra.  My hubby, who has loved me since I was a 16 years old mess... he knows I'm struggling.  He'll say to me "I don't think you should eat that." or "You've already had one of those".  And I know he means well.  I know he's doing it to be supportive.  But for me... that's a trigger.  A reminder of a past life when a much smaller me was in a SUPER unhealthy relationship where every comment made was about me weight, or some other aspect that was never good enough.  So when the person who's loved me through thick and thin (LOL) says exactly what I need to hear, I react in a way that I can't explain, and that I'm sure he can't understand.


So... obviously, all this was adding up in the last few weeks.  And I wasn't even being honest with myself about how bad I was doing the program these last few weeks.  Until Tuesday, when I found myself standing in the kitchen, rice crispy treat in one hand, and jar of peanut butter in the other.

I didn't need anyone to tell me I was reverting to old behaviours.  I was my own intervention.

It was time to put on my big girl pants.  Literally.  I needed to remind myself why I was doing what I was doing.  I needed a reminder of how far I had come.  So... I put on my jeans that I wore to my first appointment at blue sky back in April.

Over the jeans I was already wearing.  and you know what?? My big girl pants were STILL too big!! So I put on another layer...

and another...

and another!!

I walked into my blue sky appointment with 4 pairs of pants on!!!! It was so funny watching the faces as I pulled pair after pair off! 

Looking at my chart, the staff feel I've hit a plateau.  That I need to increase my calories because my body is getting used to living on the calories I've been having.  What they don't know is that The calories I should be having vs the calories I AM having... are a lot different.

So this week, I'm inspired.  The pants... the thought of increasing over my own silliness rather then an actual reason... they've inspired me to work the program like I've said I've been doing for the last few weeks.  But to do it for real!

Tonight, after a day of sitting behind a conference table, we had some downtime before taking our guest out to dinner.  So what did I do?  I went out into the warehouse where I knew a treadmill had just come in.  I strung an extension cord across the building, flipped to my iTunes on my phone, and walked for 20 min.. dress shoes and all.

90 min of exercise this week, 800 calories a day... I want to go into the office next week, and be able to say "I tried my hardest!" THEN, if I still need to up my calories, so be it... but I'm 1/2 way to my goal, and I'm not willing to stand in my own way any more.

Oh yeah.. and tonight... I got 5 on!!

Measuring, Competition, and even a Craig

Wow!! It seems like I've been gone from here forever.  Work is... Crazy! Conferences, trips... My poor dogs are starting to think that the staff at the Pet Resort are their new family.  But... I'm home now.  (For 2 weeks at least.. then off to Atlanta for a week)

Today was weigh in.  Last week I made a goal... 5 pounds. I try not to make goals around the number because a week where I only loose 1 or 2 pounds, but manage to exercise 4 days is still a good week.

But none the less, this past week, I wanted to see the 3 disappear.  I was at 235, and I wanted to be in the 220's.  I went in today, and was at 227.  Goal achieved.  Whew!

Today was also measuring day.  At the first appointment, when they took out that measuring tape, I wanted to cry.  I didn't need any more proof that my eating had become unmanageable. I didn't need numbers to tell me that I weighted more then I did when I was 9 months pregnant. 

Last measuring day the numbers went down, but... I couldn't help but feel a little discouraged as I compared the loss to my husbands.  There are great things about doing this program as a couple.  WONDERFUL things.  We can support each other, we can understand when one of us has a bad day, or a craving.  The down side is as much as we try not to, those numbers are a competition.  Hubby and I laugh about them all the time... but there are days when my scale says down 1lb and his says down 4lbs that I can't help but sigh.

In today's measurements, it was easier to see the difference in the numbers.  Starting out 17 weeks ago, my waist measured in at 50.5 inches and my hips were 56.3.  (Wow, those are some big numbers) This morning my waist measured in at 39 inches and my hips at 49.3.  Shel's waist measured the same difference.  11.5inches.  Almost a whole foot off  our waistline.  EACH!! 

I write these blogs, and talk about how great we're doing.  I don't want to mislead anyone.  This is hard work.  Changing your way of thinking, your lifestyle... its hard.  I miss my comfort foods like I'd miss a best friend who went away.  When there's a crisis at work or home, I instantly want to fill that mess with food.  I have days where all I can think is "Chocolate Bar Chocolate Bar Chocolate Bar".  But More and more, those days are replaced with days like today, where I can climb up my driveway without having to catch my breath.  Or like when I was in Scotland this summer, and could climb up the Craig (Mountain).  I wouldn't have gotten out of the car last year, let alone say "Hey Kids, lets climb this giant rock".

Without the support of Hubby, of the people in our Blue Sky office, or our families I'd be lost.  If you're thinking of taking this journey, or even already on this journey, make sure you have someone who will offer you support, who will be there through the cravings, binges and "I hate exercise" moments.  If you don't have that, join the Blue Sky facebook community.  I don't know about the others, but I check their page daily to see if there's someone who's got the same issue as me, or someone I can learn from.  If nothing else appeals, and you need someone to talk to, leave a comment here if you want. 

There was a time I'd walk out in the middle of a conversation if it turned to the topic of weight. (In fact we have a member of our not so immediate family that throws around the word "Fat" like you wouldn't believe.  I've literally walked away from him rather then sock him one).  But these days, I'm so glad someone pointed me in the right direction to get my life back that I'm posting my weigh ins on facebook.

National Lampoon's Vacation Season

You know the saying "There's no place like home" ?  I've just spent almost 3 weeks on vacation, and I gotta say there is REALLY no place like home! 

The family (Hubby, Thing 1, 2, &3 and I) went on the trip of a lifetime.  England, Wales, Scotland, and France... in 15 days! We rented a car when we landed in London, and when we returned it, we had put over 4000 miles on it. That's... a lot of miles!

We went to Blue Sky a few days before we left to talk over plans and strategies for while we were away.  On this trip of a life time, there were things we knew we wanted to try, wanted to enjoy from the locals, and we knew they wouldn't fit into our meal plan.  Today, 3 weeks later we went in for our first post vacation appointment.  We were worried, and prepared for bad news.  I stood on the scale and... had lost 5.2 pounds!  Hubby stepped on and lost 3.2 pounds!

I've had a couple friends ask us how we handle travelling.  Here's what works for us when we travel:

Driving Trips

1)  Think Ahead.  Research where you're going.  See what restaurants are in the area that you KNOW you can eat at and enjoy.

2)  Pack Snacks.  Hubby and I are Snacking Drivers.  When we take day/weekend trips, we make sure we have some basics with us.  Carrot sticks, Cheese strings, Jello Cubes, and Almonds are STAPLES we pack just the same as we'd pack deodorant or our toothbrushes.

3)  Take a break.  It not only counts as exercise, but its a great way to break up a trip.  Pull over at a rest stop and go for a quick walk or even just stretch.  It feels great, and helps you stay alert on those longer drives.

4)  Water Water Water.  Just like a regular day, you need to keep your body hydrated.

5)  Make due with what you have.  On the chance that you've forgotten to pack snacks, or that your destination doesn't have a Lettuce Souprise you or salad bar, don't despair.  You can still eat healthy-er.  Even the junkiest of fast food places are offering Salad these days.  Skip the croutons and Salad dressing though, high carbs and high calories will just make you lethargic.  When we're stuck, I'm all for a hamburger happy meal.  A few ounces of ground beef, a tablespoon of Ketchup, toss the bun, order apple slices (70 cal) instead of fries, and Water instead of Soda.  Its not GREAT, but it's way better then that Big Mac with extra sauce.

For Lifetime trips like the one we just got back from start the same way...

1) Research where you're going, and where you can eat.
2)  Water Water Water
3) Pack snacks when you can.  We had 10 hours of flight time this trip, and bringing snacks onto the plane wasn't really going to work.  So we ordered the protein high meal, and ate what we could.  I think the next time we go, I'll order the "special" meal.  The woman next to me got fruit and a salad. Which leads me to:
4) Contact your flight providers and see what your options are.
5)  Decide what your willing to "compromise" on. 

What does that mean? 

In England, Hubby and I were able to get our FAVORITE chocolate bars.  We had 3 of them each.  In Wales, there wasn't a lot of choices in food, so we had Burger King... and our first French Fries in 12 weeks.  Scotland offered Haggis, and neither of us had tried it before.  How many times were we going to have the chance?  (And the little pub we stopped off at served Haggis from the butcher shop of one of my ancestors)  And France... I had croissants for breakfast when we were in France.  Is there any other way to do it? That and Fresh french bread were my Non Negotiables from the trip. 

Know what you want to experience, and embrace it.  Meal plans, Diets, Weight Loss Programs, they aren't about depriving yourself.  But you need to be able to enjoy, and to acknowledge what you're doing.  I went away on this trip having decided that if I put on 5 pounds, I'd be okay with it, knowing that I had enjoyed this trip of a life time.

Friday Foto

What?? Not good?  Well.. I thought I'd try something new.  But... whatev's...

Yesterday I said I'd post pictures of our new clothes. 

I was all set to do that when I walked out into the warehouse at work and was inspired by this:

In December, we took my mom to a local ice exhibit.  And to commemorate the event, we took THIS lovely picture

I know its not very clear, but... does it really need to be?  If most pictures are worth a thousand words, I've got just one for this picture.  YUCK!!

Since our joining Blue Sky, the weight we've lost is equivalent to

A bike, A fake tree, A stool, A foot rest, A paper towel holder, A Nintendo 64 with 3 controllers and 4 games, A cushion, and a 10lb dumb bell.

112lbs

And a picture of us taken today, looks like this

We're still working towards our goals, and have a ways to go yet, but already, we feel 112% better.

And are grateful to have shed this







Old Clothes, Second Chances, and a little VaCay for good measure

Ahhh Summer... time to relax, visit exotic destinations and take advantage of your work's mandatory vacation time. 

Hubby, Thing 3 and I are going to Scotland in 12 days.  We're going to pick up Thing 1 and Thing 2 the day after school ends, and then.. rolling green hills, and lots of people in funny plaid pants golf.

But before we leave on vacation, the ever growing problem of our wardrobe.

(Do you like how I did that?? Growing... in a weight loss blog??  No?? Well... it was worth a try)

Since starting our program at Blue Sky MD, we've lost a combined 106lbs (Yay us!).  This "Sudden" weight loss has left us scrambling for some wardrobe ideas.  What to wear, when to wear it, and how to make do with the clothes we have are all tricks we can add to our resumes. 

Take my black dress pants.  They now fall down with EVERY step I take.  But... if I fold the waist band over twice, they stay up until lunch time.

Or Hubby's Sunday uniform.  His pants are 3-4 sizes too big now (curse you male genetics, and your super losing powers!) So on Sunday's, when he wears his Tunic, you don't notice that his belt is cinched so tight that his belt loops are touching.

Its not that we don't want new clothes, but with another 80 lbs to lose, we'd be buying new clothes every week or so.

But with Vacation looming, we've broken down and bought some new clothes (Friday's Photo post will show you some of our fancy new duds), and you know what?  We shopped at Normal stores!!

We walked into a regular Old Navy store that will remain nameless, and bought... from the normal clothes section.  No more wandering to the back of the store for the plus sized clothes, or feeling conspicuous every time someone looks at us while we're shopping with that "You think you'll fit into that?!?" look.

The month before we went to our first Blue Sky appointment, we had to order new Uniform shirts for our office staff, and Hubby and I had to order 3XL to feel comfortable in them. (BTW... That many X's is so taboo that I couldn't even find a picture in Google Images of a 3XL!!)

This week, shopping, we bought XL (and a couple really nice L's for that.. when... stage) ... that's 2 WHOLE X's gone!!

Even better, Hubby and I have 3 bags of clothes sorted and ready to go to our local Salvation Army Thrift store!  So we get to Feel Good AND Do Good! 

Looking for something to do with your old clothes?  Why not talk to the Office Manager of your local Blue Sky about organizing a Clothing Drive of all the TOO BIG clothes.  When you donate your gently used items to The Salvation Army, not only are you given a charitable receipt you can use during Tax season, but you are also helping a great program.  When those donations sell, the proceeds go directly to The Salvation Army's Adult Rehabilitation Center (for Drug and Alcohol Treatment), a program funded SOLELY by your donations, sold in Family stores. 

(OK. so that was a bit of a shameless plug.  Hubby and I are the Administrators of The Salvation Army's Adult Rehabilitation Center here in Nashville)

Blue Sky has given us our health back.  There isn't a doubt in our minds about the change it has made in our lives, and through that, we're able to change other peoples lives.

Photo Friday

Have you ever been driving and that hunger pain just sneaks up on you?  Darling Hubby and I LOVE to drive, and take road trips whenever we can.  With family up in Canada and south of us in Atlanta, we hit the road pretty much every long weekend we get. 

Even just running around doing errands, we lose track of time, and supper time just kind of surprises us. 
Not so long ago, dinner on the road would have looked like this.

Last night we were out buying new patio furniture and before we knew it, we were getting close to the "Skipped Supper"  time frame.  What to do? 

Steamed Broccoli take out.  I NEVER thought this day would come!

My Plate

In honor of the USDA's MyPlate, I've been thinking a lot about my life Pre-Blue Sky, before our choice to make this lifestyle change.

Come with me down Memory Lane.  Step over the empty take out containers, and the empty chip bags.  look out for the melted ice cream puddle, and ... well... you get the idea.  Back to the land of "Ugh!" as I like to call it.

In the not to far distant past, my plate looked like this

or... on a lay-around-the-house day, my meal plan looked a little more like this...

In fact, if I were to be honest, there were days that breakfast looked like picture number one, and picture number 2 was a mid morning snack.  Looking back at those days, I get stomach sick just thinking about the foods that went into my body.

Have you ever opened the fridge and immediately known something in there had gone bad?  That stench is unmistakable.  And yet, how many times do you sniff? If you're like me, you call your husband over and say "Something in there stinks!! Honey!! Smell this!!"  So, although it makes me ill thinking about it, I want to take you out to eat... the way I ate... about 3 months ago.

Breakfast:

Nothing

Mid Morning snack:

a BIG back of chips ( +1,200 Cal)

Lunch:

Nothing

Dinner:

Big Mac (540 Cal)

Large Fries (500 Cal)

and (of course) a Diet Coke

Late Night Snack:

2 McDoubles (390 x 2)

20 Nuggets (460 x 2)

Late Late Night snack:
Cold Stone Creamery Birthday Cake Ice Cream - Love it Size (which consists of...)
Cake Batter Ice Cream (980)
Sprinkles (25)
Brownies (180)
Fudge (110)
and... I like to add Gummy Bears (120)

Now for more of that math...
That is a total of  5,355 Calories... on an AVERAGE day.

Since we've started Blue Sky, let me give you an example of a daily menu.

Breakfast:

Carbmaster Yogurt (60 Cal)

Morning Snack:

Reduced Fat String Cheese - (60 Cal)

Lunch:

1 Cup of  Romaine Lettuce (8 Cal)

Vinigar as dressing ( 0 Cal)

Mid afternoon snack:

3 Oz Carrots (38 Cal)

Laughing Cow Cheese (35 Cal)

Dinner:

5 Oz BBQ Chicken (175 Cal)

1 Cup Romaine Lettuce (8 Cal)

Bed time Snack:

1 Sugar free Fat free creamsicle (20 Cal)

THAT is a total of  404 Calories! Less then 10% of what we were eating!  And that makes my plate a beautiful sight!

1 + 6 (4 x 8) / 9 + 5% ='s DUH!

I am horrible at math!!  In grade 9, I entered whats called the International Baccalaureate program.  It was supposed to be my ticket to going to University anywhere in the world.  ( I wanted Paris... Didn't happen, but that's a whole other blog post ).  Once a month, they would take us girls from the program and have a separate class, telling us about how studies have been done showing that women who are interested in Math and Science often lose interest in the Male dominated field, etc etc etc.  Well... long boring story short... I passed that math class.... with a 54%.  Encouragement or not, That was NOT my area. 

Numbers are not my friend, and over the last 8 years, watching the math taking place on my scale has been the worst math problem I've had had to try and solve.

Thankfully at this week's Weigh in, The math was a little easier to do!

When you add the weight Shel and I have lost, it equals 68 pounds... or... Our 8 year old holding a bag of oranges!!

Math!

Yesterday we went to Logan's Road house for lunch after church.  It was easier to do then come home and cook after the weekend we had.  I had a bunless Roadhouse burger (160 Cal) with Ketchup (22 Cal) and steamed broccoli (44 Cal).  It was a great meal, and that math made for a LOT of extra calories to eat something else.

Math!

Pre diet, we went out to dinner A LOT!  In fact, one month I added up the trips we made to restaurants, and (here's the math I don't like) spent over $800.00!!!  That's insane!!  A meal out used to involve 1-2 Appetizers, 3 overpriced over sized meals (for the 3 of us) plus dessert!

We went to Cracker Barrel on Friday, and Logans Sunday, and our total for the 3 of us  for BOTH trips was $50.00!!!

Now that's good math!!

The newest number watching we're doing is the numbers on the scale go down.  In fact, after the weigh in on Friday, we've been waiting to hit a new 10's bracket.  This morning, we both reached it!! I went from 260.6 to 259.8.  The 6's are gone... bring on the 4's!!

Blue Sky Md

Thanks to a little app called Lose It! the secret about Shel and I losing weight has hit the mainstream.  Lose it posts our exercise, and weight loss (as in pounds, not starting weight or anything) of facebook and Twitter, as well as does some REALLY neat other things. (sending weekly reports of our progress, has a friends list where we can support our buddies, and even lets you earn badges!)

The need to lose weight wasn't really the worlds best kept secret.  When we went to Blue Sky MD for our initial consultation, I stepped on the scale and watched the numbers climb.  and climb.  AND climb!  I was literally at the heaviest I had EVER been in my life. 

But it didn't end there.  The scale we use to weigh in also did a Body Composition Analysis.  Going into this, I had NO idea what that was, but figured it would probably be cool to do.  That scale, that Analysis?  The results told me that my totally body fat was 54%!  For those of you mathematically challenged like I am... More then half of my body was made up of FAT!

289 Lbs.  54% body fat.  Those numbers haunted me.  I come from a "big" family.  I have relatives who have struggled with weight loss their entire life.  I grew up in a small community in a "remote" part of Canada, and I can remember walking through the front door of Junior high one day and finding this boy cracking up laughing at something.  I asked him what was so funny, and he said "I'm watching that fat guy try to get into his car".  I looked, and "That... guy" was my dad.  I remember telling that kid off like only a preachers kid could (and be able to deny later on... I'd NEVER say those words!) 

My whole life, I remember my dad struggling to find cars, clothes, furniture that were the right size for him.  He always took it in stride.  I'd see him get frustrated with himself, but he always put on a brave face for others.  I remember him telling me about meeting one of his idols and saying "I'm your biggest fan" and then chuckling the way he did.  Never once did I look at my dad and feel embarrassed or ashamed.  He was was a man who had the biggest heart known to man, and the rest of him just matched that.  I know that as much of a brave face as he put on, the genes he lived with are ones he wished could have skipped past my brother and I.  My dad passed away in October, and there are days, especially since we started this weight loss program that I wish he was here to see and hear how we're doing.

It may surprise some of you to know that I haven't always been this size.  In fact up until my early 20's, I was probably a little on the unhealthy side of skinny.  People who knew my family would comment on my eating habits, saying "It'll catch up to you" and other such INSPIRING things.

After I had my son, things started... growing.  I'm not one of those mom's who just couldn't lose the baby weight.  In fact, when I walked out of the hospital, I left wearing clothes I had worn before getting pregnant.  But then the late night wake ups started, and while I was up feeding my son, I'd grab a snack, or I'd be up long enough that I could tell myself it was close enough to breakfast time to go ahead and eat that leftover pizza (4 years of night shifts will do strange things to your pallet). 

I knew I was gaining, and I don't know if I just figured it was a phase I'd grow out of, of if it was something I could easily change afterwards. 

However it was that I reasoned it, I was wrong.

My son turns 9 next week.  I think about all the things my dad didn't get to do with us because he just couldn't do it, and that's not what I want it to be like for me.  I want to go to the movies and sit in ONE seat.  I want to go through a turnstile without having to turn sideways.  I want to get on a plane and not have the person sitting next to me scan for empty seats before being resigned to having to sit next to me.  I want to go and run around with my boys in a field, or be able to keep up with them without being winded, or having to sit down.

Don't get me wrong.  It's not all selflessly done for my family.  I want to look good.  Like I used to look.  I want to make my family - (related, in law-ed, extended) proud when they introduce me to others.  I want to be introduced to someone new, and not have my too-tight clothes or flushed clammy face to be the thing they remember about me.  I want my husband to smile and look at me the way he did when we were just kids, stupid in love. (Again... don't get me wrong... he still smiles at me... but perception... you know how it is).

Hubby and I went to Florida in March for a work event.  People frolicked at the beach.  People wandering everywhere in their bathing suits.  We didn't do any of that.  We just weren't comfortable.  We came home disappointed with ourselves, and anxious for a change. 

But where to start?  Atkins, Jenny Craig, Weight Watchers, Nutra System.  There are so many things out there, and to other people, they're probably great! They weren't for us.

We did some work with the 94.1 The Fish, and heard Doug's incredible story of weight loss.  50 lbs, 10 weeks.  Those were words we'd heard before.  The promise land of weight loss.  But then we started doing some research.  Doug was using the Blue Sky MD program, and it really was working.  Not just in one of those "Results not Typical" cases like you see on the commercials for other weight loss programs, but as in typical, anybody can do it, loss. 

We talked to Blue Sky, and set up an appointment for the 2nd week in April.

Our first appointment was the one I talked about above, with the uncomfortable truth about just how out of control our bodies had become.  There was blood work, another telling factor you just can't deny.  Measuring tapes, EKG's, Blood preasure cuffs, Meeting with Nurse Practitioners, Nutritionists, everyone telling us the same message.  It's hard work, but it can be done. And in my case, it needed to be done.

Every week we go to our appointment, and step on that blasted scale. and every week I already know what the number's going to be, because I've stepped on my own home scale about 40 times a day.  But... you know what?  That number is going down. 

I was eating, if I were to guess, between 2 and 3 THOUSAND calories a day.  The first week, my calorie intake was cut down to 500.  That's a HUGE drop.  And it paid off.  I went in for my weigh in at the end of the first week, and I was down 11 pounds! I'm pretty proud of that.  Then the second week, down 5or 6.  Nothing to sneeze at, but not the same results I saw that first week. 

I got disheartened.  I wanted to lose it faster, I missed certian foods, I ... well.. you name the excuse, and I had it the next couple weeks.  Work was nuts.  Stress had taken my mind off of what I was supposed to be doing.  I went to an average of 5 pounds a week, and then for 2 weeks, I lost 3 pounds... that was it... only 3.  I was heart broken.

It may have been just the kick in the butt I needed, because this week, I did it all by the book.  The journalling, the measuring my food.. all of it.  And you know what?  I'm down more then 8 lbs this week!!  At tomorrow's weigh in, I will have lost at least 29lbs since starting the program. 

How awesome is THAT??

Intro's, back story and all that fun stuff

This has been a long time coming. 

I love to blog.  Writing is the most cathartic thing I can think of... aside from that stuffing your head into your pillow and screaming trick.  But I had to promise my neighbours not to do that any more... so... here we are.

I have a secret... a horrible secret that I've carried with me for 9 years.  One I struggle to hide from prying eyes.

I'm big.

Well... I'm not sure I'd use the word big.  More like... Heavy.

Heavy may not be the right word either... overweight may be a better way to explain it.

Well I guess if I'm going to be honest, and as long as its just between you and I, I can tell the truth.  I am obese. Maybe even mortally obese, if I were willing to take one of those BMI test thing.

I've done really good at trying to hide it. Subtle things like slipping a whole lot of black into my wardrobe, only eating when no one is looking, and shying away from the public lime light are just a few of my handy tricks.

But this weekend, after huffing and puffing during a round of socks vs body that I narrowly won, I had to admit that my tricks weren't really working.

But there's more.  I'm not alone in this secret.  This week while laying in bed after an attempt to sit up turned into a rolling fun zone, my husband of 15 months rolled over and said "I'm too big".

So there we lay, both our dirty little secrets exposed, lost in our own thoughts of "how did I get here?"

16 years ago, I was a thin high school student in love with a handsome older guy.  If you were to ask him, my husband would tell you that 16 years ago, he was this fit grab the bull by the horns kinda guy in love with a silly little girl (of course he probably wouldn't call me silly, but... I know I was back then)

What happened to us?  We were hot!  We were REALLY hot.  I know.. I'm tooting my our own horns here, but... people paid us attention.  We were fun to be with, and had fun being with each other.

Things change.  Bodies change.  I'm not naive enough to think that our bodies wouldn't change, Life happens... Babies happen. I know all these things!! I really do!!

But when I stepped on the scale this am and realized I had gained and ENTIRE person since having my son 9 years ago... There were no excuses left.  No hiding behind clothes or shying for mirrors can change the fact that if I kept on going the way I was, I probably wouldn't live to see my grandchildren. 

So Hubby and I are making changes.  Eating at home, healthy food portions, and (gasp) exercising! 

Today, we did good. 

But tomorrow is coming fast, and if we've learned anything.. it's that we need to take things one day at a time.